first, a quick message to employees of elGoog: quit your jobs, barry and sergio are gonna sell the company to kerkorian…uh, first off, thanks to drohan for sending this major news to me…if you’re at all like me (dunkin’ not starbucks), you don’t mind one or two of these ;) endearing little emoticons in your messages once in a while…but too many and you wanna start kicking heads and beating the hell out of the senders who decorate their messages with these precious little images…wishing death upon them, imagining their spf-30-coated pink flesh being ripped apart by the gold-crowned teeth of barry and sergio…do you know what i mean? ;)...or do you not :( ..though they make me crazy, i do find myself occasionally peppering letters with them…like those people who hate the french but can’t find a better way to say ‘croissant‘ or ‘bourgeois‘…

oh, my point (yeah, there’s a point to this)..emoticons have grown up! i was turned on to this new list of ‘assicons‘ recently and i implore you to all begin using them within your regular business and personal communications to encourage widespread adoption (next up is a substitute for IM acronyms…ROFLMAO! LOL! WTF? OMG!) …here they are - and scroll down for a sample of business usage:

(_!_) a regular ass
(__!__) a fat ass
(!) a tight ass
(_*_) a sore ass
{_!_} a swishy ass
(_o_) an ass that’s been around
(_x_) kiss my ass
(_X_) leave my ass alone
(_$_) Money coming out of his ass
(_?_) Dumb Ass
(_zzz_) a tired ass
(_E=mc2_) a smart ass

sample usage in business: “Dear Mr. Brin - may I call you lil’Surge (_*_)? Hey, that could be your ’street name’ as you bond with your post-pubescent employees (!) I understand that you wish to become the next Governor of California, and that’s exciting news {_!_} - (_x_) I am writing to apply for the position of future-Governor’s aide (_E-mc2_) and have enclosed my resume for your review and perusal. I understand that people pick on you (__!__), and that’s too bad - certainly they have no idea what it feels like to be the intellectual concubine of the most powerful investors (_?_) in California, riddled for nearly ten years now by pestilence, plague and avarice (_zzz_)…Good luck getting Ah-nuld outta there (_$_). I will try to call you after the weekend to discuss this opportunity further {_!_}. Peace out, lil’Surge. ”

oh grow up…if you’re as excited as moi about this new communication format, then there’s a huge list of these - as well as the emerging class of titicons - at this free-time-hostage-guy’s website (wow, what an important thing to review…now get back to work…carry on…)

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